July 31, 2016
While shopping together at Meijer, I headed to the dairy aisle while Bug headed another direction. As we parted, this was our conversation:
Mom: Do you need any cheeses?
Mom: Everybody needs cheeses. (I actually shouted this to her across about 4 aisles).
Mom: this makes me happy today: Your Amazon.com order of “Swingline Electric Stapler…” has shipped! I cut myself on a danged ol staple from our cheapie one and I told pa I wanted an electric stapler…so he bought me one. ❤
Bug: is it red?*
Mom: no. black. Like the color of a burned down building.*
Bug: hahaha, nice.
*Only fans of the movie Office Space will get these references.
While sitting in a nail salon, getting pedicures.
We were watching the music videos on the television and “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepson comes on.
Bug: That’s not how you wash a car. She’s doing it wrong.
So, a callback for a mammogram means images, then sitting in a waiting room in a wrap, then back for more images and then more waiting.
After a third (or maybe fourth, I lost track) call to the mammography room…
Tech: Okay, I think we got what we need, but no guarantees. We’ll have the radiologist look and see if he wants any more images.
Me: Okay, but I’m gonna start charging you after this, because this many photos of my boob should be worth something.
Upon being called back for the second round of additional images…
Tech: Okay, this time I want you to come in closer and put your breast bone against this edge…
Tech: Now, put your right arm across this.
Tech: Drop your right shoulder.
Tech: Step back your right foot.
Tech: Put the right arm back over here.
Tech: Okay, I think we’re good. So… just relax.
This was as awkward as senior pictures, when the photographer gets you all posed (drop your chin…not that much…turn to the right…not that much…smile…not that much) and then says “now act natural.”
So, I got a callback for a mammogram.
Tech: okay, so we’re going to take several images using three different-sized paddles.
Me: Okey doke.
She then directs me to the machine that has a paddle the size of a half-cup measuring cup.
Me: Um…I don’t think that’s going to be big enough.
After that one, she changed to one the size of a sandwich.
Me: Okay, well, that’s a bit better.
Tech: *more giggles*
Lastly, she puts one on that is the size of a textbook.
Me: NOW we’re getting somewhere….
A recent conversation about justification for skipping the gym:
Mom: I ate healthy at the conference last week.
Bug: So, tell me about this “healthy conference eating.”
Mom: Well, I skipped a meal.
Bug: That’s not healthy.
Mom: I only had one sausage link at breakfast one morning.
Bug: Because you’re a one-sausage kind of gal?
Mom: I am rather monogamous about my sausage.
Conversation in Sam’s Club on March 19:
Mom: I want hot dogs, but I don’t want a box of 80 of them.
Bug: Just get it if you want hot dogs.
Mom: But I don’t have room for that many wieners.
Bug: That’s what she said?
(and then we broke into a fit of hysterical giggling that lasted through our walk to the checkout)
This was a continued conversation about the afore mentioned mouse wrangling…a little more detail for your reading pleasure:
Mom: just how did you catch him?
Bug: apparently I’m macguiver.
Bug: he was behind a large planter that couldn’t be moved
Bug: so I set up a box on it’s side next to it and had a girl bang on the other side
Bug: ran right into it
Mom: that’s impressive
Bug: he was scaring the poor little college girls
Bug: I mean, a couple of them helped which was cool
Mom: how did he escape?
Bug: well you see
Bug: I had peeked into the box to get a picture of him
Bug: down in l-wing
Bug: on my way to the office of vet tech (one person apparently)
Bug: then I closed the box again
Bug: but as I was talking to a guy in a nearby office
Bug: he crawled through the small gap in the top and just jumped right out
Bug: and into <vet tech>’s office
Bug: door was closed.
Mom: oh my…
Bug: I figured, I don’t even know this woman I can’t leave a mouse in her office
Bug: even if she is vet tech.
Bug: so I stood outside her door for about 15 minutes waiting
Bug: he didn’t fall for the box trick again
Bug: but I at least got him out of the office
Bug: lost track of him after that
Bug: and that
Bug: was my Monday.